D: "I know who gets to go to Heaven"
Me: "Oh." (Kind of half listening)
D: "Angels and Jesus and God."
Me: "And every person who believes in God will go to Heaven too."
D: (Thinks seriously for a bit) "Why only people who believe in God get to go to Heaven?"
Me: No answer. I immediately go to my computer to transcribe this conversation...so I could get it down word for word. Frankly, I don't know how to answer that question. I've always wondered about that myself. Do ALL Christians, Jews (Marla), Catholics (Nicole) ect... go to Heaven EVEN the "Bad" ones. Do all the really good people who haven't embraced God really go to Hell. Is this NORMAL to have a four year old already asking this question?! I don't answer, because I'm stumped AND busy typing.
Declan continues.
D: "Do you know God is the ruler of Kings?"
Me: Just listening and typing
D: "Do you know how Kings work? God tells the King and then he tells another King and they all tell each other."
Me: "Oh" (I have to acknowledge the kid)
D: "Why does Mom (my X, his other mom) say she believes in Budda when her doesn't believe in Religion? Why does she say 'Namaste, Budda.' ??
Me: "Well, because _____ (her girlfriend) believes in Budda. She wants you to know about other religions."
D: "Why does she want me to believe what SHE believes"
Me: "I think she is just afraid of you believing something she doesn't believe."
D: "Well I believe in EVERY religion, even no religion."
Me: "Oh, O.K."
Thankfully the conversation ends. However I'm pretty freaked out. I worry that Declan is feeling torn by this whole religion thing. I don't know where it's coming from. I haven't taken him to church in...months. Which I do feel bad about, since he is gone everyother weekend I want to get him into a Wednesday night program. I do want that to be a consistent part of his life. We pray at meals, sometimes. I talk about God, but not extensively. Mostly to answer questions and say "That's the way go made Giraffes, with really long necks.."
My X recently talked with me about the religion thing, she is worried that my Mom is pushing it onto Declan too much (not that I can see). This has me wondering how much SHE (my X) talks to him about religion.
Clearly Declan thinks about God a lot.
At bedtime I told him that no two people think exactly alike, and that no two people believe the exact same thing about God and religion. I said "I don't believe the exact same thing as granny or Poppa, you and I won't believe the same thing about religion." He acted distressed and said "I want to believe what you believe." UGH!! I was trying to make him feel better. I said that no two people agree on EVERYTHING or thought the same way. I said that it was O.K. to believe different things and that he would have to decide for himself what he believed (pretty much what I've always said about religion among other things). I've always told him that he will need to decide things for himself, that he makes his own choices. Realistically I believe as a parent that we can only force limited behavior on our kids, they still decide, and then get punished or rewarded for that behavior. Even in parenting control is a bit of an illusion..
Anyway. This sucks and I'm sad that Declan is conflicted.
By the way. Two days ago in the car, out of the blue he says:
"Mom, is the reason you control me so that I'll be a good Daddy someday?"
I ask what he means by "Control"
He replies "when to get up in the morning..."
I told him that sometimes I tell him what he needs to do because we have responsiblities like getting to work on time. Other times I tell him what to do, like he can only have one cookie, because I'm trying to help him make good choices.
Me: "Oh." (Kind of half listening)
D: "Angels and Jesus and God."
Me: "And every person who believes in God will go to Heaven too."
D: (Thinks seriously for a bit) "Why only people who believe in God get to go to Heaven?"
Me: No answer. I immediately go to my computer to transcribe this conversation...so I could get it down word for word. Frankly, I don't know how to answer that question. I've always wondered about that myself. Do ALL Christians, Jews (Marla), Catholics (Nicole) ect... go to Heaven EVEN the "Bad" ones. Do all the really good people who haven't embraced God really go to Hell. Is this NORMAL to have a four year old already asking this question?! I don't answer, because I'm stumped AND busy typing.
Declan continues.
D: "Do you know God is the ruler of Kings?"
Me: Just listening and typing
D: "Do you know how Kings work? God tells the King and then he tells another King and they all tell each other."
Me: "Oh" (I have to acknowledge the kid)
D: "Why does Mom (my X, his other mom) say she believes in Budda when her doesn't believe in Religion? Why does she say 'Namaste, Budda.' ??
Me: "Well, because _____ (her girlfriend) believes in Budda. She wants you to know about other religions."
D: "Why does she want me to believe what SHE believes"
Me: "I think she is just afraid of you believing something she doesn't believe."
D: "Well I believe in EVERY religion, even no religion."
Me: "Oh, O.K."
Thankfully the conversation ends. However I'm pretty freaked out. I worry that Declan is feeling torn by this whole religion thing. I don't know where it's coming from. I haven't taken him to church in...months. Which I do feel bad about, since he is gone everyother weekend I want to get him into a Wednesday night program. I do want that to be a consistent part of his life. We pray at meals, sometimes. I talk about God, but not extensively. Mostly to answer questions and say "That's the way go made Giraffes, with really long necks.."
My X recently talked with me about the religion thing, she is worried that my Mom is pushing it onto Declan too much (not that I can see). This has me wondering how much SHE (my X) talks to him about religion.
Clearly Declan thinks about God a lot.
At bedtime I told him that no two people think exactly alike, and that no two people believe the exact same thing about God and religion. I said "I don't believe the exact same thing as granny or Poppa, you and I won't believe the same thing about religion." He acted distressed and said "I want to believe what you believe." UGH!! I was trying to make him feel better. I said that no two people agree on EVERYTHING or thought the same way. I said that it was O.K. to believe different things and that he would have to decide for himself what he believed (pretty much what I've always said about religion among other things). I've always told him that he will need to decide things for himself, that he makes his own choices. Realistically I believe as a parent that we can only force limited behavior on our kids, they still decide, and then get punished or rewarded for that behavior. Even in parenting control is a bit of an illusion..
Anyway. This sucks and I'm sad that Declan is conflicted.
By the way. Two days ago in the car, out of the blue he says:
"Mom, is the reason you control me so that I'll be a good Daddy someday?"
I ask what he means by "Control"
He replies "when to get up in the morning..."
I told him that sometimes I tell him what he needs to do because we have responsiblities like getting to work on time. Other times I tell him what to do, like he can only have one cookie, because I'm trying to help him make good choices.
posted by One Boys Mom at
10:03 PM
3 Comments:
Wow! What a great post!
I don't think it sucks that Dec is conflicted. I think it's AWESOME. To me, that shows that he's thinking about it, forming opinions, fears, and reflections. That is how we can embrace faith. Willingness to question means that we are not blindly following any human's footsteps. God himself gave a "game plan" for life--a source that we can use for ANY situation that troubles us, or just when we need guidance-- Instructions for life! -- The Bible, and it's His word. You can always start reading it to Dec, and let him hear God's words. That's not religion, that's just His Truth. The Gospels are a great starting place since they contain the words that Jesus spoke directly to the people.
Um...one last thought. Jesus said, "No one comes to the father except through me". I am pretty sure he meant it.
From the book of John:
Jesus said to his disciples: "Do not let your hearts be troubled. Have faith in God and faith in me. In my Father's house there are many dwelling places; otherwise, how could I have told you that I was going to prepare a place for you? I am indeed going to prepare a place for you, and then I shall come back to take you with me, that where I am you also may be. You know the way that leads where I go."
"Lord," said Thomas, "we do not know where you are going. How can we know the way?" Jesus told him: "I am the way, and the truth, and the life; no one comes to the Father but through me. If you really knew me, you would now my Father also. From this point on you know him; you have seen him."
"Lord," Philip said to him, "show us the Father and that will be enough for us." "Philip," Jesus replied, "after I have been with you all this time, you still do no know me?"
"Whoever has seen me has seen the Father. How can you say, 'Show us the Father'? Do you not believe that I am in the Father and the Father is in me? The words that I speak are not spoken of myself; it is the Father who lives in me accomplishing his works. Believe me that I am in the Father and the Father is in me, or else, believe because of the works I do. I solemnly assure you, the one who has faith in me will do the works I do, and greater far than these. Why? Because I go to the Father."
[John 14z:1 - 12]
I love you both!
By
He who wears the most black wins., at 12:27 PM
It's it wild when they come up woth all this deep stuff to ask about. K is doing the same thing (though not to this extent on the God front) and it blows my mind. They pick up on *everything* and digest it all. Amazing little creatures we have created, don't you think?
By
Casey, at 12:46 PM
As you know from my blog, I'm a pretty religious person (it's all relative of course). But I haven't always been that way. My story is a long journey, but I do want to say that I've always been glad my parents presented me with something solid. They had a form of Judaism for me to be part of as a child. When I hit my teenage years, the years when, as you said to Declan, I began to make my own choices, I rebelled as heavily as I could for some time. I really didn't want to be Jewish for awhile. But even at my angriest, I consistently defended my parents' choice by saying I was glad I had something solid to rebel AGAINST. At Declan's young age I think it is completely reasonable to initiate him into something consistent and regular as a religion. If the time comes that it is not the one for him, you and he both already know that you will understand and support his decision, but he will have a good foundation to start from.
By
Evenewra, at 6:09 PM
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