Okay there has been this discussion in the comments section of one of my blogs...then into Casey's: http://naptimechronical.blogspot.com/ blog. I figured I'd share more thoughts I had on my blog today.
Are kids raised in single parent homes at a disadvantage? Sometimes yes, sometimes no. Okay I would have to say usually yes, rarely no. Single moms usually do not have the same emotional and financial support and stability of most two parent families. I will say that in many situations (abuse and neglect) kids are better off in a single parent family, but they are still at a disadvantage. I read an article just last year where poverty in this country was increasing and a large part of that increase included single Moms. When parents divorce, MOST OF THE TIME, the dad's standard of living increases significantly, and the Mom's standard of living decreases significantly. That is certainly what happened in my case and to EVERY divorced mom I know.
Here is a quote from the following source:
http://www.greaterdiversity.com
"The new poverty data released recently shows no improvement in the poverty rate of people living in female-headed households, with 28.8 percent living below poverty in 2002, compared with 28.6 percent in 2001. The poverty rate for female-headed families is nearly three times as high as the poverty rate for all families. A striking 38.2 percent of families headed by African American single mothers lived in poverty in 2002, compared to 37.4 percent in 2001; 36.4 percent of people living in families headed by Hispanic single mothers lived in poverty in 2002. Even for families headed by single working mothers, the poverty rate is 21.1 percent.
Almost half of children living in female-headed households (48.6 percent) live below the poverty line."
Let's talk about what single parenthood has ment in reality for me and my son . Our support network was put into chaos, Declan and I moved from our great support network. We went from living in a 1600 square foot house to 385 square feet. I live on a shoe string budget. When I graduate and begin teaching I have two choices 1) stay here and live in an apartment 2) Move 3 hours away where I can afford a house and I'll have to work hard to re-build my support network (again).
Why do I consider apartment living an undesirable thing for my son (remember you have to consider where I live geographically). Who are the other people living in apartments? (by in large) people in the lower income brackets, many (not all) whom interact with and supervise their children less. What kind of friends would my son make living in a house in a decent neighborhood vs. living in an apartment. Do I want him playing in the backyard, or in the parking lot?
As for support networks, I can tell you that is something that changes more often for single Moms. I still feel like my married friends provide a much more stable influence and connection in our lives. Most of my single Mom friends lives are filled with stress, change, and frustration that I don't see in my married friends lives. Okay now I feel like I'm rambling. Anyway, enough for now.
Lastly - as a teacher I won't be living in poverty, but I'll barely be making a "decent" living, especially with my 35,000.00 in student loans. Meanwhile my "ex" is living in a 4 bedroom (with only 2 people and my son 6 days a month) 350,000 home with a household income of well over 100,000.00 per year. If I get to buy a house, it will be no more than 90,000 with 2 bedrooms. So, yeah that pisses me off a bit. But I also have to conceed that I'm lucky to have the opportunity to even buy a house, get an education, build a new career. Yet, it doesn't change the fact that I still have to deal with my ex telling Declan she's going to take him to Europe, and bitching about my life choices etc...
Are kids raised in single parent homes at a disadvantage? Sometimes yes, sometimes no. Okay I would have to say usually yes, rarely no. Single moms usually do not have the same emotional and financial support and stability of most two parent families. I will say that in many situations (abuse and neglect) kids are better off in a single parent family, but they are still at a disadvantage. I read an article just last year where poverty in this country was increasing and a large part of that increase included single Moms. When parents divorce, MOST OF THE TIME, the dad's standard of living increases significantly, and the Mom's standard of living decreases significantly. That is certainly what happened in my case and to EVERY divorced mom I know.
Here is a quote from the following source:
http://www.greaterdiversity.com
"The new poverty data released recently shows no improvement in the poverty rate of people living in female-headed households, with 28.8 percent living below poverty in 2002, compared with 28.6 percent in 2001. The poverty rate for female-headed families is nearly three times as high as the poverty rate for all families. A striking 38.2 percent of families headed by African American single mothers lived in poverty in 2002, compared to 37.4 percent in 2001; 36.4 percent of people living in families headed by Hispanic single mothers lived in poverty in 2002. Even for families headed by single working mothers, the poverty rate is 21.1 percent.
Almost half of children living in female-headed households (48.6 percent) live below the poverty line."
Let's talk about what single parenthood has ment in reality for me and my son . Our support network was put into chaos, Declan and I moved from our great support network. We went from living in a 1600 square foot house to 385 square feet. I live on a shoe string budget. When I graduate and begin teaching I have two choices 1) stay here and live in an apartment 2) Move 3 hours away where I can afford a house and I'll have to work hard to re-build my support network (again).
Why do I consider apartment living an undesirable thing for my son (remember you have to consider where I live geographically). Who are the other people living in apartments? (by in large) people in the lower income brackets, many (not all) whom interact with and supervise their children less. What kind of friends would my son make living in a house in a decent neighborhood vs. living in an apartment. Do I want him playing in the backyard, or in the parking lot?
As for support networks, I can tell you that is something that changes more often for single Moms. I still feel like my married friends provide a much more stable influence and connection in our lives. Most of my single Mom friends lives are filled with stress, change, and frustration that I don't see in my married friends lives. Okay now I feel like I'm rambling. Anyway, enough for now.
Lastly - as a teacher I won't be living in poverty, but I'll barely be making a "decent" living, especially with my 35,000.00 in student loans. Meanwhile my "ex" is living in a 4 bedroom (with only 2 people and my son 6 days a month) 350,000 home with a household income of well over 100,000.00 per year. If I get to buy a house, it will be no more than 90,000 with 2 bedrooms. So, yeah that pisses me off a bit. But I also have to conceed that I'm lucky to have the opportunity to even buy a house, get an education, build a new career. Yet, it doesn't change the fact that I still have to deal with my ex telling Declan she's going to take him to Europe, and bitching about my life choices etc...
posted by One Boys Mom at
11:46 AM
1 Comments:
Your living situation sounds so much like mine it's frightening. Here I am living back in my childhood hometown, where I swore up and down I'd never live and I'd certainly never want a child of mine to live, in a 1 bedroom apartment -- and the bedroom isn't even mine.
As a full-time grad student in Early Childhood Ed, I live entirely off student loans and rely on my mother for the majority of my childcare and miscellaneous support of my son, including financial. When I really think about it, I'm terrified of what living off these loans will do to our life when I am working a middle income job with a serious salary cap.
Still, in my case, because of what I was going through as part of a couple, I feel my life is better as a single parent. I can't call my son disadvantaged. I don't see him lacking anything. He does have another parent and we don't agree on "best interest" and we make very different choices in our lives and piss each other off, so things aren't peaceful, but he doesn't know or feel that. Only he will be able to tell me if I'm wrong.
My son is very loved by everyone in his life, as I'm sure yours is, too.
By
em1__mak2, at 7:51 PM
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