So, I video tapped myself teaching yesterday.

Before I viewed the tape, I felt really, really good about the job I did. That said, watching yourself on video tape is painful. Especially if you have you're "chubby" (as my son says, but really I'm FAT). I look at myself every day in the mirror. I get on the scale everyday. I know I'm overweight. Somehow I still didn't realize what I looked like to all you other people in the world until I watched this tape. Honesty, (really, I'm not exaggerating when I say this) I could not believe the person I was watching was me. The first part of my life I had NO problems with my weight. In someways, I think that clouds your judgment- because you always feel like that very athletic, healthy person you were the first 20 years of your life. I did not realize until last night that I look like THAT. How did I get here?

Aside from that (because I know that issue is a surface one...although it certainly sets the stage for how people treat you) boy do I talk fast. I've been told my whole life that I talk fast, but WOW I do talk fast. My MT says I "move quickly" which means I talk fast. It's really not horrible, but I MUST slow down, I know I'm loosing some of the kids. Second issue is that I sure don't look happy. I don't look angry, but I certainly don't look happy. Of course I have vivid memories of hating it when I was in middle school and people always walked by me and said "smile!" I feel fine inside, but I'm just NOT a natural "smiler". I'm not sure if I can change that, it's just kind of a bummer. I know I won't connect as easily with the kids.

On the bright side my MT gave me lots of positive feedback. She even said I showed a good sense of humor with the kids because I joked with them a bit. So I guess maybe that will counter act the lack of smiling?!