My Project
My personal project is to accept who I am as a house keeper. I have never been a great housekeeper, but as you Moms' know, it is even more challenging with a kiddo running amok.
This task of self acceptance is made more (much, much more) difficult by the fact that I live right next door to my parents. My mother is organized and very clean. She does not understand how I live the way I do. She also doesn't get that there are much, much worse housekeepers than myself. She doesn't say things very often, but I know her well enough to know that every time she comes into my house she thinks "How can my daughter live like this". I'm 38, always been lived like this...
The bottom line is that my house is messy, but not unsanitary. I do not place a high value on spending my time organizing/ cleaning my house. At the end of my life I'm sure I won't wish I'd had just a little more time to clean. I'm all about play, play, play.
Somehow, I still feel guilty that my house isn't more organized and clean. I really don't want to feel that way anymore!! As a full-time working Mom, I really don't want to devote anymore of my life to the issue. I'm much rather do math with Declan, read to him, play Star Wars, watch a movie or surf the Internet. AND I want to be completely O.K. with that (even when my Mother comes over).
I always like adding photos to my blog, so I Google "messy house" and the two photos below came back. The first would never qualify as a messy house for me (but I'm sure Nicole gets it) the second has me staring in amazement. How different we can be, how differently we define things.
This task of self acceptance is made more (much, much more) difficult by the fact that I live right next door to my parents. My mother is organized and very clean. She does not understand how I live the way I do. She also doesn't get that there are much, much worse housekeepers than myself. She doesn't say things very often, but I know her well enough to know that every time she comes into my house she thinks "How can my daughter live like this". I'm 38, always been lived like this...
The bottom line is that my house is messy, but not unsanitary. I do not place a high value on spending my time organizing/ cleaning my house. At the end of my life I'm sure I won't wish I'd had just a little more time to clean. I'm all about play, play, play.
Somehow, I still feel guilty that my house isn't more organized and clean. I really don't want to feel that way anymore!! As a full-time working Mom, I really don't want to devote anymore of my life to the issue. I'm much rather do math with Declan, read to him, play Star Wars, watch a movie or surf the Internet. AND I want to be completely O.K. with that (even when my Mother comes over).
I always like adding photos to my blog, so I Google "messy house" and the two photos below came back. The first would never qualify as a messy house for me (but I'm sure Nicole gets it) the second has me staring in amazement. How different we can be, how differently we define things.
posted by One Boys Mom at
12:30 PM
5 Comments:
Oh, Mistalyn, you warm my heart. :) (I do, by the way, get the first one. I don't agree that it's messy, but I would say "cluttery")
I recently read an article about a working mom that felt overwhelmed by the time that she got home. The last thing she wanted to do was clean and her house, as a result, held the last spot on her priority list.
What changed her perspective was when she read a mini-essay that her 8 year old son had written. Their assignment was to write about a place that made them feel at peace. He wrote about his bedroom. He wrote about walking in from school every day and going to straight to his bedroom because it was the only place in the house that was organized. He felt at peace there. It really is true that it's hard to be organized and peaceful on the inside when there is chaos and mess on the outside. Cleanliness doesn't inherently lend itself to feelings of wellness and peace, but it certainly clears the path for further introspection, growth and change.
So, my friend, I suggest you try doing what this woman in the article did. She called a friend. A friend that had a full time job, and children too. A woman who had an equally hard time managing it all. They decided to have a cleaning swap. They set some ground rules and got started. They cleaned one's house one evening (You could do a Saturday) per week and then on another night, did the others. Just two hours at each house. Can you imagine how much faster you could clean if there were two of you working on it together?! Whoa. You could probably get your house done in 30 minutes! Then, all that's required is just the day-to-day picking up that you can do after Declan goes to bed. Ten minutes and you're done!
Good luck. :) I know you'll be able to make some positive change. You just have to detach "cleanliness" from your mother. Disassociate the two and you might not feel so rebellious.
By
He who wears the most black wins., at 1:20 PM
Oh...one more question: Is that a WASHING MACHING in that person's kitchen??
By
He who wears the most black wins., at 1:48 PM
I recommend getting a dog, like the one in Peter Pan that cleaned up after the kids. :)
By
Christy, at 7:39 PM
That 2nd photo looks like my parents' house. Really. Add an old, moldy smell and there you have it. I hate that place. I grew up in piles and clutter and now I'm a neat freak. It's so bad I don't let M stay there for more than a few hours and he's never spent the night there. There isn't even a bed that isn't covered in junk or cat hair or worse.
I feel like that 8-year-old in the article cited by "the most black." The clutter definitely contributed to the depressive mood of living in that house as a child. I can't even do homework when I'm surrounded by clutter. It makes me crazy.
Don't get me wrong. I'm not the Great Santini by any means. I'm disorganized in my own way, like it's hard to open the closet door or desk drawers without everything falling out or jamming up and I lose my keys every single day because I never put them in the same place twice, but on the outward surface, everything "appears" neat. If that doesn't reflect my own personality, I don't know what does.
My view is you live whatever way works for you. As long as you know where the things are when you need them and nothing is actually unsanitary, dangerous, or otherwise damaging to the mood of you or your child, straightening up when you KNOW it's gotten out of hand, then so be it. My parents' house passed that point about 30 years ago.
If it bothers you or Declan, beyond the guilt from your mother, there are small but significant ways to bring a sense of outward order to your home.
Find your groove and go with it.
mel
By
em1__mak2, at 6:53 AM
What gives? No updates?
Don't leave a sister hangin'.
By
He who wears the most black wins., at 12:08 PM
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