The Journey

Saturday, November 11, 2006

And another thing


Casey's comment on my last post brings up another issue for me: MONEY. We were at the same bowling alley, but as Casey said it was crazy busy (no school on Friday) We had a 1.5 hour wait for a normal alley, or in a short 15 minutes they could get us a lane in their exclusive, by the hour lanes. FOR 37 DOLLARS AN HOUR...GAG! "CG" is like "great we'll take it", I'm like...it's 37 dollars for bowling. CG : "That's no problem I can cover it." Okay, nice offer but I can't let him pay 37 dollars for BOWLING!


We had two other much older alleys to chose from so we flipped a coin and drove 10 miles to a nearby alternative. There were only two other groups of people bowling there! It was old, but fun and we were constantly dealing with malfunctioning equipment.


O.K. so the issue is that whole...who pays thing. I'm so use to being frugal and paying my own way, it's weird to go out and have someone else just footing the bill. How does that work these days??? Don't men expect a woman to pay sometimes? When he recommended the German place, I was very hesitant. I was thinking we'd go for Thai food that is more affordable. He thought I didn't like the food. I replied that it was great food, but fairly spendy. He laughed (in a nice way) and said he'd love to treat me to dinner. We went. It was delicious.


So, tonight we're going out to a hockey game and he asked if I wanted to go to dinner first. Sure I guess...but I feel guilty. It's been a long time since someone spent THEIR money on me. It's very flattering and kind, but especially weird because we are in VERY, VERY different income brackets. (Computer Programmer vs. Substitute Teacher).


So, what do you guys think. Do I offer to pay 1/2 every time, do I insist that I treat him to dinner some time? How does it work.

posted by One Boys Mom at 1:11 PM

10 Comments:

  • Don't offend him by making a big deal about it.

    Men have sufficiently been shoved out of chivalry by women insisting that everything should be split. Let him pay. Maybe, since you are a very honest person, you could just have the conversation with him about it tonight. Let him know how wierd it is for you and that you don't want to seem like you don't care but you don't want to make a big deal about it. Let him know that it's a little uncomforable for you. He obviously WANTS to treat you, to take you out to a nice restaurant, to spend some of his hard earned money on YOU. Again, don't offend him by rejecting it or suggesting to take some of that chivalry away from him. Gentelmen are a rarity. Go with it!

    I realize that I sound old fashioned. But, I happen to know, that men prefer old fashioned girls for the long term. :) That's just me, an old, haggard 27 year old mother of 4.

    By Blogger He who wears the most black wins., at 2:53 PM  

  • Hmmm...I respectfully disagree with part of what HWWTMBW is saying. While yes, it's true he may be one of those guys who loves to pay and all, he may also be ok with with *not* paying for you all the time.
    She wrote:
    "Again, don't offend him by rejecting it or suggesting to take some of that chivalry away from him."

    True. Don't turn him down if he offers but also don't wait for him to offer all the time. Offer sometimes, if he says "No, let me." then let him. He might say "Sure - that would be great."

    It is pretty presumptuous to assume he has money just sitting around because of his job title. He might be struggling financially but do you seriously think he will tell you that this soon (or ever)? Probably not.

    Don't be one of those "Rule Girls" that were so popular inthe 90's. The ones I know who swore by that stupid book are STILL single and miserable because really - who wants one of those "the world revolves around me and I don't care the cost to others" women?

    And I hate to be the voice of "old" as opposed to old fashioned, but not ALL men like old fashioned girls. And some may like them in the short run but not in the long run. I would say that varies as much as men (or women) do and it's just plain wrong to catagorize everyone.

    So my advice? Talk with the man. Don't assume one way or the other.

    I've never known you to beat around the bush or not say exactly what you need/want to say. So....don't turn into that type of woman now. :)

    By Blogger Casey, at 3:45 PM  

  • Hmmm....it sounds like Casey disagrees with ALL of what I am saying. I even like how she quoted me a few times. Excuse me. I guess I should be offended. But, I'm not. I dated men. I married one. If I wanted advice about dating for the long term and potentially marrying a man, I would ask someone who wanted or has done the same thing. I am "that type of woman".

    There have been too many studies to count ( call me Mistalyn if you'd like references) that men DO like an old fashioned woman. Not "old fashioned" meaning wearing lipstick at 6 a.m. and making all the family's drapes, rather "old fashioned" meaning that she has a UTERUS and she knows it. She is FEMININE. Not a fami-nazi.

    I really don't think it's stereotyping or generalizing to assume that since he is a man he likely has a penis. He likely produces testosterone. And, it's highly likely that, like MOST MEN, he would like to be the hero, the provider, and the defender. That's not sexist. That's called biology. It's the same reason we have uteruses and have the advanced ability to nurture babies. Not sexist. Biology.

    Whoa. I feel better.

    Have a nice date. :)....and LET HIM PAY.

    By Blogger He who wears the most black wins., at 4:36 PM  

  • Wow. Clearly I pushed some of your buttons. I don't really care what you believe any more than you care what I believe. M asked for thoughts and I gave her mine. No different than you did and hey - just because I am a lesbian and I embrace my life doesn't mean that I have no clue about life. I've got years (and thus experience) on you. Sorry - that's just the way it is. And you know MOST mean does not equal ALL men.

    I wasn't attacking you. I didn't try to offend you (believe me, I could have if I wanted but that wasn't my intention nor desire). Go ahead and pigeon hole men...after all you have a lot of experience with dating all sorts of men and that's within your right. I mean, let's do the math....you're 27 and the mother of 4....that means you were married at what? The ripe ol' age of 21, 22 or 23? Yeah - that's a lot of experience. As for studies, everyone knows that studies do not encompass everyone on the planet.

    So go ahead and get all uppity. I stand by what I say and I don't apologize for not nodding my head and saying "She must be right. What do *I* know? I'm just a lesbian."

    Geeez.

    By Blogger Unknown, at 5:56 PM  

  • Well....okay, then. You're a lesbian and I'm uppity.

    The end.

    By Blogger He who wears the most black wins., at 6:35 PM  

  • Mist,

    Do you like the way we were able to utilize your blog as a venue for our personal catfight? Sweet huh?

    ;) Hope the date went well!!

    Let us hear all about it and I promise, no comments from this peanut gallery!

    By Blogger He who wears the most black wins., at 6:37 PM  

  • LOL

    By Blogger Christy, at 9:59 PM  

  • Hello M.
    I don't have an answer to the money question, but dang, you are so well spoken. I am looking forward to being a regular at your blog site.
    Miss you.
    Kara

    By Blogger nursekara, at 10:36 PM  

  • I agree with Casey that the best course of action would be to talk to him about the money. I do think it's kind of outdated to assume he would be offended by rejecting his offers. Just talk to him, if he insists on paying, then let him pay.

    Other than that, I got nothin' I'll leave the advice of dating men to the straight girl.

    ;-)

    By Blogger Cristin, at 6:56 AM  

  • I'm just a lurker who drops in from time to time. I'm also a "straight girl".

    I feel you should offer to pay for things from time to time. for example, if you go to the movies, offer to buy the snacks. He may say thank you or he may insist on paying for them too.

    I think when you are dating, it nice to offer from time to time. I fully believe he wouldn't be offended (unless you started to push the issue).

    In today's world of dating not all men want to pay 100% of the time. That is just the way it is. Things do get expensive and some men might feel taken advantage of.

    Your guy sounds really sweet. If you are comfortable, talk to him about how you feel. You might feel better knowing how he feels about paying. Good luck with everything!

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 7:33 AM  

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