On the job front -

Things seem to be in a holding pattern; I haven't had any interviews. I have applied with three districts. It seems that they have been looking at budgets and moving people around within the district. I've called the district HR offices and checked, I think they're gearing up to do interviews...I'll let you guys know when I know something.

Declan and I head to Disneyland on Monday for 5 days...so if I'm going to get called, I'm sure that it would be during that time!!

Our weekend Getaway :

Isn't it great to have friends?

Bugs can be so fascinating.

Classic Camping Experience

The water-gun was the biggest hit of the weekend.

In July the water will be down a few feet and Declan can go swimming again!

The view from our campground.

All photos taken with my NEW Cannon PowerShot A 610 which I can't say enough good things about! I decided I needed to upgrade and get more pixels before Disneyland.

P.S. Today I finished up all required work for graduation. I simply have to give a 5-minute presentation on June 14th then await the arrival of my diploma and teaching certificate in the mail. Hooray!!

So far, I've had two subbing jobs this week. On Monday I took a job working with the special ed kids. I could have worked in a 2nd grade class, but I was interested in seeing what special ed was like. Wow was that a long day. It seemed 3x as long as my ordinary day with 8th graders. Every 1/2 hour I had a new group of students...usually 3 -5. It was good because I worked with Kindergarten - 5th. I think I just prefer the dynamic of working with a class of students, not such a small group for such a short period of time. One group of Kindergarteners was FANTASTIC the other was a pain...overall I just think that age group is not for me. I already deal with that at home.

The teacher I subbed for was there for the first few minutes and recognized me. I was asked "Hey, weren't you the Artful Dodger?" Apparently we were in a play together in highschool. She was an elementary student who played an orphan and I was the Artful Dodger. I guess I made an impresson back then.

Yesterday I subbed in an 8th grade math and science class - that was familiar territory.

Thanks for the responses to my previous post. I wasn't in the best mood this past weekend. An interesting note - I received a text message from a dear friend a couple of days ago it said "Was thinking of you. Just wanted to let you know that you're such a together woman with all the right priorities." I thought it was so kind, and I called and said "I guess you've been reading my blog." She said "No." God really does put the right people in your life...

Do you ever feel like no one really likes you?

That's one thing that sucks about being single...You don't have that illusion that someone is always there for you...That no matter how bad it gets, someone really likes (loves) you. I realize now that security is an illusion-that you can't count on someone ALWAYS being there for you, but I miss feeling like someone is always on your side...always "likes" you, is always in your corner, no matter what you say or do.

Does that even make sense? And this probably means different things to people who are married, and to those who are single.

Sometimes it's just exhausting facing the world alone, especially as a parent -so here is my rant:

Today, I'm missing my son, and I'm feeling pissed because-"I hate my X"! She is a complete asshole. I hate that she gets to see MY son everyother weekend and she can feel great about being a parent. I hate that she chose to walk away and provide NO emotional support on this journey. EVERY parent is a better parent if they have emotional support. How dare she rob my son of that. I am the single parent of a high energy pre-schooler and I have NO day-to-day support emotionally. That is NOT what we agreed on. How dare she feel like she is a fantastic parent (because I KNOW she thinks that). How dare she she get to enjoy MY son 6 days every month and spoil him and love him and be so PRESENT in her experiences with him without having to deal with the day-to-day realities that parenthood is all about. How dare she not experience the failure you feel as a parent EVERYDAY because you can't be PRESENT emotionally and physically for your child as much as you like, because you have to ignore them to study or grade papers or just clean the house and cook dinner.

How dare her NEVER having to endure his sad voice whining "I don't want to go to school", his begging to stay home with me, his constant complaint of "I hate school, I don't want to have a school day". All I can do is explain it's the way things have to be- but it's not the plan we agreed on -it's not the way it was suppose to be. And that's all I can think about -"this is NOT the way it was suppose to be" as I force my baby into the car and force myself to leave him at daycare . I tell myself it's O.K. that I'm soo lucky and sooo fortunate- that as a single Mom I have so much more support than most women in my situation- but DAMN IT, it's not the way it was suppose to be.

And I cannot and I do not feel responsible for that! I cannot take ownership of that, because I had no choice in being a single parent...Except that I chose my "X" 12 years ago.

My "X" sucks and she IS NOT a good "parent". She is a good person to Declan, but what she is, who she is ,- is NOT what I consider being a parent- especially a mother. I don't call anyone - Man or Woman - who lies, cheats, and walks out on their family a good parent, guess that's just my messed up ,conservative, old-school perspective.

(Now she would say she didn't walk out on Declan -just me. Well, my perspective is once you have a child, you no longer have the luxury of walking out on a person....you're walking out on the family)

I feel better now :)

The first and second part of this entry might seem like different and unrelated issues, but for me they are connected. Life is so exhausting sometimes, it was nice to have someone to come home to. It's unlikely I can have that again for a while because of what that would mean to my son (would it be wise to bring someone into our lives who could just pick up and leave at any moment - do I want to risk that again for HIM. It's O.K. to put myself in a risky position, but do I even consider putting my son's emotional well-being and stability at risk?) and that's a whole other post...

"Hey Mom, what if I pretended my shirt was my pants!"

I think they are pretending to cats. Aren't they cute in their matching PJ's!

I love the way kids do things that just make you laugh...a lot. Today I was putting Declan's toys away and found his little skeleton. Some how it just seemed pretty funny that the head wasn't where it was suppose to be. This is part of that really cool pirate play-set I blogged about earlier.

Fun with needles

So, I wasn't able to go to school yesterday because Declan woke up with very gunky eyes and one was pretty darn swollen. If this was "pink eye" it would be the 10 infection this year! I'm not really buying it at this point.

I took him to the Dr., who asked "any new pets in the house?" Crap! I realize I have to get him tested for allergies. We've always suspected he has allergies (his bio-dad had TONS of allergies). I have to figure out if it's Moe while he is young enough and cute enough to find a new home for.

The trip to the allergist was a nightmare. Declan freaked out. We tried to draw blood, but he wouldn't stand for that. Then we tried the skin tests, and only 4 tests in he is freaking out. They actually did do a skin test of cats, and it didn't react. They said it wasn't reliable because they didn't do the 'control' tests.

So, I'm the the middle of a mess here. I'm inclined to say it's NOT Moe as he hasn't had any kind of CONSISTENT reaction. Then again I'm not a Dr. I did have him rub his nose on Moe to see if he would get a runny or a stuffy nose - nothing.

What do you guys think?

Apparently when I was out of the room the Dr told my Mom something like "He does have allergies so I wouldn't have a cat in the house" If he's not allergic to cats, why would it matter. I've talked to Declan about finding a new home for Moe he says "But I love him."

Rant and Raves:

Hanes

Well they finally got their Hanes on me...and I LOVE it! Okay, this may seem like a simple pleasure, but it brings me joy daily. Since my decent into poverty, I've only bought the cheapest underwear and socks etc.. I've finally figured out that you end up spending the same money because, well, you get what you pay for and are buying more often.

I spotted the new Hanes with the "Softest waistband ever!" thought I'd spend the extra money and they're pretty darn comfy.


The Office

I've been watching this show for a while now, and I just have to say it is HILARIOUS. I rarely, and I mean rarely laugh out-loud, but this show makes me laugh out-loud EVERY week.

10% of all 8th Graders

10% seems to be about the percentage of students in every class who insist on giving their opinion on situations that DO NOT involve them. Nothing pisses me off more than to interrupt my teaching and my students' learning to listen to a student tell me I was being "unfair" in my dealings with OTHER students.

I'm going to devote the first 5 minutes of class tomorrow to discussing this very issue. GURRRR. If you can't tell I had a crappy day yesterday. It makes me feel better to know the other student teacher on my team had a rough day as well. He said he talked with/yelled at the students for 10 minutes and was so angry his face turned red. I think this IS a tough time of year, but I'm NOT going to allow some 13 year-old to engage me in a discussion on how to properly manage a class of 32 students.

I was thinking today about how I really enjoyed subbing in that 1st grade class last week....

June!

I thought I'd take some time to talk in detail about the curriculum side of my student teaching. I am now working exclusively in 8th grade math. It is more time consuming than I thought it would be, as I have to completely prepare my lesson's EVERYDAY from scratch. We are not teaching from a book for the rest of the year. We are filling in some holes in the curriculum. So I was told we are teaching equations for 3 weeks and handed a stack of 15 worksheets. I also really have to prepare TWO lessons each day as the two classes are not capable of working at the same pace. I've had to do review on basic operations like dealing with negative integers and converting mixed numbers into improper fractions and dividing fractions.

My MT is somewhat annoyed that these kids don't have these skills down yet. I, however, GET IT. This has always been my problem with math. "Use it or lose it" Why would they remember a skill they haven't used in 6 months? I've also heard that you need to hear something 15 times before you "get it" and file it away in the permanent memory bank. Unlike other subjects, in math each new concept can use many previous skills and if you're missing ONE skill you're stuck. That was always why I felt like a failure...

I'm going to begin having an entry task for the students each day; they will work on basic skills. I think that type of thing is a necessity with any math curriculum. My MT has been very flexible and supportive, but we definitely have different philosophies on this issue. He is like "they don't know it, it's only my job to review these skills and we have to move forward in the curriculum", so he isn't taking the time to re-teach these skills. I believe there is no use in blowing through the curriculum if they have holes. So I'm taking a few days and re-teaching these basic concepts.
So... for the next 3 weeks I'm trying to finish up the academic side of my education, and also planning all these lessons. I will say that this is providing a great experience, just not something I would want to do every day all year long.

1. How old is old?

"Very old."

2. Who do you think of when you hear the word old?

"I think somebody is very old"

3. Are you old?

"uh- huh, but I'm not VERY old."

4. What does it mean to get old?

"It means you need to die first"

5. How old should you be to get a job?

"Very old"

6. Who should take care of old people?

"Everyone. Everyone I live with"

Today my wonderful son chided me, "Stupid Lady, Stupid Mama!"


Me: "Declan, do not EVER call me stupid!"

D: "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry Mama."

I then told him he should NEVER call anyone stupid. Wondering where he picked this up, I asked "Has anyone ever called YOU stupid?"

D: "Yes!"

Me: "Well, that wasn't very nice, who called you stupid?"

D: "A boy who was my friend; he's dead now."

Me (what the heck??): "Who are you talking about, what's his name?"

D: "Well, he was this boy.... I met at a store.... his name was 'Baseball'. He's dead because he wasn't with his Mommy and a bad guy shot him. The bad guy had a stretchy arm and a stretchy neck and he shot the boy!"

Me: "Who was with you at the store?"

D: "Ummmm... Grandma. She didn't see him though, she was walking behind me. The boy saw me and called me 'Stupid'. Then the guy with a stretchy arm and leg shot him."

Guess the kid got what he deserved.

"Are you teaching math again today?"

This was the first question I was asked by a student today.

Me: "Yes." (smile, some apprehension)

GW/OA: "I'm SOOO glad. You explain things much better than Mr. X" (my mentor teacher)

Me: "Thanks. I enjoy teaching math" (warm fuzzy feeling now accompanies smile)



:) I had to share a good story :)

"I'd be happy to go out in the hallway. It's better than being stuck in this classroom with you."

Those were the words of one BWA, this afternoon as I sent him out of the classroom. Actually the interesting thing is that at first it didn't really phase me. He said it in a fairly quiet non-confrontational voice as he left the classroom. The other students were working together and didn't hear him. But I did.

I thought about it and was pretty amazed. Call me naive, but I'm amazed that kids will talk to adults like that.

When I asked him about his remark in the hallway, he said "Well...(pause) I left the room when you asked me to."

Me: "But your remark was completely inappropriate. You should never talk to anyone like that. You absolutely should NOT talk to an adult like that."

BWA: "Well, I didn't like you hassling me."

He now has lunch detention on Monday.

By Declan who is now FOUR! (better late...)

1. Why do people work?
"It's because they want to make money."

2. What is your favorite toy at the moment?
"Hot Wheels"


3. Why are there flowers on the Earth?
"It's because we need honey for insects to bring us sweets. Because if we didn't have honey, we couldn't have enough sweets!"


4. What is your favorite movie (cartoon, story or TV Show) at the moment?
"My favorite cartoon is Scooby-Doo. I even like Scooby-Doo more than candy!"

5. What is your favorite snack?
"My favorite snack is a bagel."

6. Why do people drive cars?
"It's because if they didn't drive cars, they'd need to stay there forever, and they couldn't make up friends."



(I figured it's fair to ask him if he wanted to ask our 'computer' friends a question.)
Declan's Turn:
"Why do race cars go really fast?"

Hey, guess what? If you drink beer while at school, they suspend you. Just how much of a buzz do 3 kids think they'll get from one beer anyway?

One less GWA to worry about. Don't know the specifics yet, but at lunch I saw one of my girls sitting in the office looking VERY pissed off. I thought "hummmm obviously I'm not the only person to have issues" Two hours later I went back to the office to see her in the principals office with a police officer (we teachers don't know the scoop yet). This particular GWA was suspended "until further notice". Serious stuff what ever it was. Every suspention email I've seen is for one or two days.

This particular girl's mother was very angry when I called regarding her daughters attitude "No teacher has ever had issues with my child before....r-i-i-i-g-h-t...Just me and the police.