DROWNING IN PAPERWORK

So I finally went to the courthouse today to really get the ball rolling on taking my X back to court (I've been doing online stuff and making phone calls until now). I can't believe how difficult this process is (and expensive).

It really bothers me that so many women don't get the child support due them because they just can't afford to hire a lawyer, or it really isn't cost effective to pay a few thousand dollars to get an extra 50 or 100 a month. Forget that that 50 can make quite a difference in a kids life.

I happen to be a very determined person, so I'm willing to put in the time an energy. I'm also willing to fumble through and represent myself. I have to get certified doc from the courthouse in my previous county (50.00) file them along with my petition (250.00) and all the wonderful legal docs that go with it. Then of course I have to figure out how to serve them...

Getting involved with this legal stuff gets me a little irritated again. 1) It is annoying that my X won't just work this out without getting the courts involved (do in AGREED adjustment) 2) I have to look back at all the crap I went through last time. Case in point is realizing that the Restraining Order the judge upheld is an annoying black mark everytime I go to court. What was the restraining order for? I "harassed" my X. What type of harassment? I did not damage any property, I did not make any threats. I simply sent 2 emails and left one phone message that said she was a crappy human being. I didn't even swear or cuss or call her any fowl names. I can't believe the judge....anyway it still gets me angry to think about that. I behaved MUCH better than most people in my shoes.

Okay on a better note, earlier today:

Declan: (Out of the blue, in a sweet sincere voice) "I'm not gonna have a lot of money when I get older, so I can see my kiddos more."

About a year ago we had a conversation about $$$. He wanted to know why we didn't live in a bigger house like his friends. I explained that I made a choice - Less money and all the great things money can buy, but more time with him. Guess it made an impression.

From our playdate this afternoon. The boys enjoyed the corn straight from the garden!
(Kelton wanted me to post this photo so his Mom could see :)

Bionicles!!

He has been asking for a year now...I finally gave in. He LOVES them. As do his friends as you can see. Declan has an 8 year old cousin, so I think he has heard about them for a couple of years. I have to say that I have fun building them for him, as he isn't capable or for that matter interested in the building process. He sure loves to play with them. I spent last weekend building him the play table (or "Bionicle Table" as we call it).

More to come on our newest obsession...If you have a boy over 6 you probably know what I'm talking about. More pictures to come tomorrow.

More Stories

Declan: (smiling, looking coy) "Mom, I know how to get you to stop when you're yelling at me."

Me: "How's that?"

Declan: "I'll just tell you I love you."

Me: "Well, that would probably work. But I think a better idea is that you do what I ask the first or 2nd time when I ask nicely, then I won't feel like I need to yell."

Declan: "humm." (thinking seriously about that option)

Two minutes go by...

Declan: "When I have kiddos, I won't yell at them unless they can't hear me."

Me: "Well, I wasn't sure that you heard me, you didn't respond when I asked you twice to get into your car seat. You only got into the car seat when I yelled."

Declan "hummm" (again seriously considering what I've said)



While I was typing this entry...

I went to move in my chair and hit my knee pretty hard on the desk. I began moaning in pain, clutching my knee. Declan runs over asking "What's wrong? What's wrong?"

"I hit my knee." I reply between clinched teeth.

"Where? This knee?" he says as he points to my injured knee.

"Yeah."

"Let me kiss it, that will help." Declan says as he leans in and kisses my knee. "Does it feel better?"

"Yeah, thanks." I answer.

It really did feel better :)

I

A little of what I've been up to. We removed the old stairway, which was very steep, and installed a new kid friendly staircase. In couple of months we'll be moving upstairs! For some reason in the photo it looks small, but the room is 24X16. For now it will be a big open Bedroom/playroom.

When we're done, I'm going to have a nice little 2 story house (about 750 square feet)..only it will be on my parents property. So far the play yard has been fantastic, Declan loves it. And I love it.

I'll post more later on our latest obsession....

(the photo of the swing is a nice purchase I made at the end of summer clearance sale!)

A FEW MINUTES AGO-

Me: "Do you know where my camera is?"

Declan: "I do know where your camera is, but I'm not going to tell you because you are suppose to keep track of it."

Me: (under my breath, mumbling) "smart ass."

Where does he get that?

A FEW DAYS AGO -

Declan: "I can't wait until I have kiddos."

Me: "Why is that?"

Declan: "Because then I'll have someone to boss around."

OUCH :0

Summer Fun when friends visit.

First let me say that I posted a very, very basic scrap page because it take soooo long to load individual photos now that I have a 5 mega pixel camera. I need to figure out how to work changing the image resolution or something... FYI you can increase the image size by clicking on the image. Then when the image reloads, move your mouse to the lower right hand corner of the image and an icon with arrows will appear. You can click again on that icon and you will have a full-size view of the pictures.

I borrowed my cousins water slide and the kiddos had fun. You'll notice the new puppy, he looks like a stuffed doll in that photo - so beautiful. It was funny to see all the kids crammed into Declan's room playing video games (well watching Titus play winnie the pooh on V-Smile)

It was also pretty cute to see Declan driving Maddie around in his truck with out a shirt - very white trash! He did have to make a stop to get snacks as you can see.

More pictures coming from our trip to the fair...

Bye-Bye Hair.

I'm kinda sad about this ( I love this hair style on boys with DARK hair..but kiddos like Declan just look bald)...but he really wanted his head shaved like his cousin...hair grows back and it will be cooler for the rest of summer. Your turn Marla...give Earle a little surprise ;)

The Cat:

This is what my cat did to amuse himself last night. I had just filled his feeder. Frankly I don't see the point in cleaning it up...I guess I'll have to get him a little dish and limit the food.

The Boy:

On the way home in the car (he went camping for one day with his grandparents) he told me all about a video game he was creating. It's called "Jump World". I'm not kidding when I say he spent a whole hour telling me about it...which I can't recall much of as I kinda tuned him out. Something about a guy who jumps everywhere, even in the water. And there will be a snowball level, and a snow white level, and a plain old snow level.

He actually relates life to video games. He will often talk about getting to the "next level". We play, but really not that much. On average we play one day a week.

At the beach recently, when Declan saw jelly fish for the first time he called them "Liquid Ice".

The other new saying is "You broke my heart in 6 (or 3 or 8) pieces." He will say that when someone hurts his feelings. I heard it for the first time a few days ago when he had a friend over. His friend was saying he would never play with Declan again. Declan started crying and said "He broke my heart in 3 pieces" over and over again. It was pretty sad., but also cute and sweet.

I need to remember to write these things down...such good memories.

Okay, I just have to bitch about this a little more..

So-- she is in a better financial situation and thinks she should benefit by owning a bigger, nicer house...but I guess her SON shouldn't benefit via additional income to support his standard of living the OTHER 24 days a month when he isn't living in the lap of luxury at the LAKE HOUSE.

Also I can't believe she thinks MY PARENTS should be responsible for helping to support Declan (which is the implication by counting their income). Soooo messed up, I'm actually shocked at her take on this whole thing....Just when things were getting better.

I'm headed to the court house today....

Email from the X

or Money, Money, Money.

Today I received a reply from my "X" regarding my inquiry into child support. In Washington you can re-evaluate every two years. September is two years.

"Pls remember that if we re-evaluate income we would have to look at your current situation as voluntarily under employed. That would change things and could bring the income of other adults in the household into the equation. If you still want to re-evaluate please let me know at the 2 year mark and we can begin the process."

Interesting..once again she doesn't want to do the right thing and pay the correct amount of support. As for the issues she brings up. 1) I doubt the state will see me as voluntarily 'under employed" if a work as a substitute teacher after applying and failing to land numerous teaching positions. That is pretty much status quo for teachers in this area..you sub for a while THEN get a full-time position. She will want them to impute my wages rather then consider the actual amount I would make as a full-time substitute teacher (20K). I can't imagine they would do that, but she can dream. She tried and failed at this tactic last time.

2) As for bringing the income of other adults into the picture, I assume she means my retired parents. I guess she doesn't know I PAY RENT to them. And hey, I'd love to include their income in the picture if she includes ALL of her household income. Two years ago her new partner was making 5000.00 a MONTH...wonder what her pay is now?! Considering the LAKE HOUSE and all.


Wow...to think when she first left she told me and others she would NEVER do "THE MINIMUM" in regards to paying child support. Funny that all she has done is fight against paying the state required amount or uh, "THE MINIMUM."

I actually thought that perhaps they afforded the LAKE HOUSE due to some inheritance, but obviously she doesn't want to address her current income...

Our Morning:

Me: (politely) "I need you to get dressed Declan"

Declan ignores me

Me: (less politely) "Get dressed Declan."

Declan starts whining/crying: "I'm too cold, you do it"

Me: (sternly) "If you get dressed you won't be cold"

Declan: (still crying) "But why do I have to do EVERYTHING?"

Me: (kinda pissed now) "Declan you are 4 years old, it is your responsibility to dress yourself. You don't do everything -who buys groceries and cooks and washes the clothes?"

Declan: "You're making me feel badder!" (referring to my tone of voice)

Me: "Well, if you did things the first time I asked, when I use my nice voice, I wouldn't have to use my irritated voice."

Declan: (sad voice, very dramatic) "Oh, I'm sorry Mom, I didn't hear you. Can we try it again?"

Me: (nice voice) "Declan could you get dressed?"

Declan: (noticing that while my voice is nice, my face still looks a little irritated) "Why do you have that face on? "

Me: "Well, I've had a frustrating morning." (This exchange plus the earlier incident where he wondered out of the house while I was showering and I couldn't find him for TWO, very long, very frightening minutes...causing me to have even more fear about the LAKE HOUSE - he was in my car)

Declan: (smiling now, very sweet) "That face looks good on you mom!"

And how was your morning?

House on the LAKE?

So my "X" calls and wants to take Declan one day later on the next visit. Because they need a little extra time to move into their "LAKE HOUSE'. What the... Declan told me they were moving to a lake house, I thought he meant a house near the lake. Because who can afford lake front property in the Seattle area? Apparently my ex and her live in can!

I pretty much freaked out. Most mothers I know would not purchase a lake house or beach house. Water and a 4 year old is pretty scary thought. Just a risk I wouldn't take. It sucks when you have no control over those things. Of course we ended up having a somewhat heated exchange which ended with my "X" commenting: "You're not the mother I thought you'd be!" I was pretty pissed and countered with "Well for the first 18 months of Declan's life, the only nice thing you said to me (and said it often) was what an amazing mother I was. And you have NO idea what kind of mother I've been in the past 2.5 years...you really don't know much about his life outside of your 6 days a month."

I'm sure she didn't like hearing about my drowning fears (the #2 killer of kids under 14), but I think her remark was bullshit! Yeah, she is obviously mother-of-the-year; rich from someone who made the choice to walk away from the family. It is especially offensive because almost EVERY decision I'm made these past two years has been all about what is best for Declan.

On the advice of a good friend of mine (who is also an attorney) I'm going to look into child support. Obviously something has changed since we were in court two years ago.