This big blog world of ours...

I just stumbled on a teachers blog and was reading along and then I realized that the entry I was reading was dated Wednesday, February 1. In MY life it is Tuesday Jan 31. Now that was a little weird. Amazing that this little hobby lets you connect with people all over this world of ours.

Subbed in the same 6th grade class today. I really, really love that age. The kids still pull alot of the same crap as the older kids, but they still have RESPECT for the teacher. They argue less when they get into touble.

I had a talk with the kids first thing about harrassement and then I had them anonymously answer some questions. Disciplined another student for making fun of a boy infront of the whole class. The kid who I sent out yesterday was suspended for 2 days (hooray!) Although his mother said "my son wasn't serious, he was only kidding" Gee, do you think the boy who he called "GAY" thought it was funny? Do 11 year old boys LIKE being "teased" or "kidded" about being GAY. Parents are going to be the worst part of teaching!

I did something today that was pretty funny, but maybe not the best choice...hummm don't really know all the boundries yet. I HATE taking roll and having to deal with the two or three jokers who answer "YO" or "WHAZUP" loudly when I call their name. Like clockwork, the class breaks up into laugher, wastes my time trying to get on with this simple task. (By the way, I can't believe how much time is wasted everyday by class clowns popping off). Today I told this class "when I call your name I want you to respond with "here" in a loud voice. I only want to hear you say "here" when I call your name. Everyone else needs to remain silent while I take attendance." So I'm calling out names and I get to "Michael" who loudly says "YO". I look up, annoyed, he has a big grin on his face and of course the class breaks up laughing (cause it's sooooo funny, and it's annoying 'cause for that moment you've lost control of the class - again) I reply (very dramatically and slowly) "O.K. class apparently Michael needs a little extra attention today. I need everyone to turn and look at Micheal. Lets give Michael our FULL attention. Do you feel better Michael?" The kid was sooo embarassed. I really enjoyed that Moment..the class laughed, I had regained control. Victory!

I wonder, did I go to far? Then again the kid obviously DID want some attention. Also, he put the target on his chest, it seemed only natural that I shoot.


Spell check not working again..forgive all spelling errors.

Last comment - I really hope I don't end up teaching English. I am too impatient and write too quickly to use proper sentence structure, punctuation, etc.. People will expect my writing to be perfect if I teach English. That would suck!

Subbed today. It was my first time with 6th grade. What a great age. They are starting to get a little rough around the edges, but they still listen to authority. I only had to send one kid to the office today. He was harrassing another student, saying he was Gay. Middle schoolers use that word WAY too often. I have NO tolerance for harrassment, intimidation or bullying. It gave me a good opportunity to talk about it with the students. That will definately be a mission of mine once I get a full-time position - to get the school and teachers on board with ZERO tolerance for that crap...it's even a state law, but too often the teachers let it slide. It really makes me angry to see these kids tare each other apart.

On a lighter note: The teacher I subbed for was the mother of a guy I went to high school with. I tried to find my prom picture before school today. I figured the kids would get a kick out of the photo of me and their teachers son - knowing I had that connection with their teacher. I remember hanging out at their house when I was a senior, I was so amazed, they were just the most progressive parents. Wow, sometimes I feel old... That was so long ago.

Okay so my spell check isn't working, please ignore my spelling :)

The evolution of a friendship. As I said, I've been going through old photos. Since many of you know Casey, I thought I'd showcase some photos of our boys in the earlier days of their friendship. Last night I showed Declan the video with Kelton in it. I said "do you know who that is?" He looked completely shocked and said "that's my friend Kelton!" He'd never seen anyone he knew on "T.V." before (to him a video on the computer is like watching T.V.) He was fascinated.

I've spent the last two days going through all of my digital photographs. Digital is great except for that whole "printing out the photographs" thing. I really like the idea of having an album of photographs in my hands to leaf through. Until now I had no printed photographs of my boy. It has brought back a lot of memories going through 4 years of photos. I thought I'd share a few of my favorites I've "rediscovered."

So, in the last two days I've printed 300 photos and my albums are really starting to take shape! It has been a very productive 2 days.

Declan spent the day and night with his buddy Solomon on Monday and Tuesday while Solomon's Mom was in California. The boys had SOOOO much fun. They stayed up until 11pm on Monday night and played for hours at the local hot spot for kids called "Kids Club".

Pluto!



Since my son was a baby I would tell him "I love you to the moon and down again and around the world and back again." He has heard this many, many, many times. We've recently been reading a book called "Edward Fudwupper Fibbed Big" which includes a character who is a pig from Pluto. This has led to several conversations regarding planets and our solar system. The other day when I told him how much I loved him, he said "Mama, I love you to the moon and down again and around the world and back again, and all the way to Pluto". Amazing. I decided we would have a little code word and once a day I say "Pluto!". He knows it means I love him tons. He always smiles, laughs and says "Pluto!" back to me.

Yesterday when I dropped him off with his other Mom, he really had a hard time. He wanted me to hold him and he just wasn't ready for me to leave so I sat at a table with him and my X while he acclimated. Finally he was ready for me to leave. I walked away after a kiss and a hug. He calls out "Mom! Mom!" I turn and he says "Pluto!" My X looked very confused, but I smiled and Declan smiled. What a sweet boy!

Genesis 6:5
"The Lord saw how great man's wickedness on the earth had become, and that every inclination of the thoughts of his heart was only evil all the time."

So, I'm on a journey to develop myself spiritually and evaluate the teachings of my youth. I want to define (and embrace) my own beliefs based on my OWN understanding of God and the Bible. Consequently, I've been reading through the Bible (I want to read through the entire book). I thought I might as well post my questions on my blog. It would be interesting/helpful to get the perspective of others.

I read this verse and thought "WHAT?" Am I suppose to take that literally? Our world is in pretty bad shape these days, but I would never say people only think bad thoughts all the time. How could things have really been THAT bad hundreds of thousand of years ago? Any thoughts out there? Are we suppose to take this literally?

How our bedroom currently looks:





The ladder goes up to my queen size bed. He has toy boxes, a bed, and a decent amount of floor space below. His toys use to be in the living area and it was a bit overwhelming. Yes, he can bring toys out to the living room, but at least I can clean it up if I want. And yes, he does have a T.V. in there...no comments please. After all, it's all about how MUCH you let them watch it, not where it is :)

"Mom, your baby's awake."


I thought I'd share how my morning starts everyday. I usually get up before Declan and when he wakes up he calls me from the other room by saying "Mom, your baby's awake". It is the cutest thing in the world. For a while when he was resisting going to sleep at night he would call out to me from the bedroom "Mama, you left your baby up here." It was very cute, sweet, and hard to resist. Of course, he would lure me back in for more snuggles.

As I said we live in VERY cramped quarters. I came up with this great idea of building him a toddler bed right into the wall. I mounted it on 2 sides and suspended it from the ceiling. I thought it was pretty cool and so did Declan. My queen size bed is right below. About 6 months later it occurred to me that a much better use of space would be to raise MY bed 5 feet into the air and put his toddler bed and toys down below. Now he actually does have his own room beneath my bed. I think that's pretty cool, but he sometimes asks to have my bed on the floor and his up high.

Okay the point of this was the cute thing he did this A.M. He woke to find me still in bed (yes, he still co-sleeps if he wants) He woke me up and then said "Mom, you can still sleep if you're tired O.K. ?" He snuggled me, and I was happy. A few seconds went by. He began to count: "1, 2, 3, 4. Time to get up now!" Kids have a very interesting concept of time.

Good night Bloggers.

" I have a secret! I have a secret!"


Declan just started his 2nd soccer class. He loves it and his coach (who looks 18) is sooo good with the kids. It cracks me up when I realize how much Declan is like me. During practice, they put out 30 cones and the kids are suppose to "dribble" the ball from one end of the field to the other without hitting any cones. Declan looks at the field, studies it really hard. He then proceed to kick his ball to the outside edge and quickly and effortlessly avoid all the obstacles. I'm so like that. Size up the situation, cut corners, and get it done quickly. I am ALL about efficiency. When Declan gets to the end of the field, he jumps around triumphantly shouting "I have a secret! I have a secret!" He really wanted to show off for his coach.

Fun night tonight! :)

Today I'm feeling frazzled. I can't seem to focus. Meeting with my advisor at school to lock down issues with my student teaching/action research/job hunting etc.. I think most of my issues revolve around finalizing my job search plan. It's such a huge decision, this will have life-long impacts on Declan's life. Once I "settle" somewhere as a teacher I'll be there until retirement. It is very difficult to pick up and move when you're 55 (meaning that once you hit 50, it's pretty hard to get a full-time teaching position) so once I settle I'll probably be there until I'm 65 or 72... how long does the government expect us to work?

There are some great advantages to raising a child in a small and somewhat isolated community, but who knows where he'll go when he is 18. Of course I know there are no guarantees regarding that. However, the chances are better that your children will live nearby - even in the same town :) when there are more employment opportunities. I know this speculation is concerning issues pretty far in the future, but I think about it.

I really don't like the idea of living in an apartment for the rest of my life having no control over the increase in rent, putting up with people playing their stereos too loud or jumping on your ceiling, and of course sending Declan out to play in the parking lot just does not appeal. I'm also thinking if I rent that maybe I should still rent in a smaller community, this town is just tooo big. To much anonymity and opportunity for kids to go down a undesirable path. Just where is Bedford Falls? Everwood?

Ultimately, I think it's best to plan for the near future, but it's important to see what the domino effect might be 10 or 20 years down the road.

I also need to work on figuring out the real cost of owning a house. I need to check on PMI insurance, house insurance, flood insurance, utilities...all those things that really add up and then compare it to renting. I have estimates, but I need Solid figures.

Then there is always leaving friends behind...again. Insert big sigh here :( (sorry to bring that up Marla, Betsy, and other Marla)

For James (Declan's Biological other half)

There's nothing like a day out on the beach,
When all it does is rain.
You need somebody else to make,
The Sun come out again.
When you find that special someone,
You never expected to.
It'll make you believe in magic,
It's a change of life for you.








On the Declan front:

He was pleased that his new Sigmund and the Sea Monsters DVD came today. He loves this show! (Previously I only had one episode on a Best of Sid & Marty Krofft DVD). I guess we'll be watching a lot of Sigmund this week :)

Today went rather well - I had no encounters with flying candy! I actually enjoy subbing at the high school. I usually end up doing choir or band. Kids who are into the arts in high school are usually the nicest kids. Its all those slackers who take choir or drama "cause it's an easy 'A', man" who are a pain in the #$!. Subbing at the high school really consists of just keeping an eye on the kids while they work independently or visiting with them. I had the chance to work on some homework today which was nice.

The kids were hanging out in the room during lunch and they started discussing The Gay Guy. "In 7th grade he denied it!" "When did he come out?" "I don't have anything against them, but I don't get it, its wrong." "Gay guys are sooo cool to go clothes shopping with!" "What about gay marriage?" "Marriage is a Christian institution. I mean I think they should have rights, but not marriage, no way! " "I don't care one way or the other." "I think gays are getting screwed on the whole marriage thing!"

Over all I was petty impressed with the discussion. The kids certainly didn't agree, but everyone spoke their mind and they listened to one another. I've taught this class three times now. The first two times, The Gay Guy would hang out on the couch snuggling with his boyfriend. I was completely surprised (this is still a pretty small, red neck community). I suspected they were trying to shock me with the PDA. I talked to The Gay Guy on my second day; asked him what it was like to be a gay kid in high school in 2005. He said he use to get hassled, but that kids are O.K. with it now. His family is another story. His dad won't even talk to him. Apparently they have purchased a one way ticket to New York after graduation this year.

Another note - two days before I subbed in this class for the first time, I took my son to see the high school play. This kid comes out on stage and within 5 minutes I'm thinking "That kid is gay." It was during that moment I decided that God just couldn't have an issue with gay people. This kid was so clearly gay, its sooo genetic in some cases. You meet these kids that are 6 or 10 and you just know they are gay. I'm also thinking who WANTS to be gay in high school ?! God created it, how could he fault someone for who they are at their core. I'm having this conversation in my head during The Wizard of OZ. I sub two days later and this kid is in my class (THREE times that day) --He's The Gay Guy.

I have one month until I start my student teaching, I'm going to sub some over the next month (my last chance to earn a little money until summer). Today I'm subbing for the music teacher at the high school. The last time I had this particular job it was the day after Halloween and one of the kids threw candy at me. Lets hope today is a better day!

The Weekend.

So, things didn't change much regarding Declan over the weekend. Yesterday started off with a long crying session. Within the first 20 minutes he started crying because someone had taken his picture the night before at a birthday party??? Delayed trauma don't you think?! I couldn't believe he was so upset the next morning. He gets so upset/angry at the littlest things. I was just happy that I could hug and kiss him and comfort him and that it had nothing to do with me. (sooo tired of him getting mad at ME).

His Grandma and Grandpa watched him while I went to school on Saturday. They finally had the chance to deal with the crazy kid I've been dealing with. Apparently at naptime his grandpa started talking to him about 'spankings with a belt.' That confused him a bit. (My dad would never actually spank him). But, my Dad keeps saying comments like "You need to teach him who is boss", "You'd better do something about his attitude". Mom had been telling me this week that I'm just not being very patient with him, and my tone is "short". I'm like.. no kidding, how long can I keep having the same issues and arguments without getting angry and sounding like it - at some point (I am only human).

Anyway whether they meant to or not, my parents have been making me feel like it's me more than Declan. After this weekend I think they understand more clearly that he's going through a rough phase. After watching him on Saturday they didn't even contact me on Sunday, which is really, really odd, until I stopped by around 5pm. I think they needed a break from the kid. They also told me that his daycare teacher told Dad (when he picked him up one day last week) that Declan had been "challenging" lately. That also made me feel better because they LOVE him at his daycare and have never said a bad word about him.

Ah, but Monday is here and I'm off to school and Declan is off to daycare! (which means I have a break and time to recharge and that pretty much guarantees me a GREAT evening with my son).

Okay I just had to repost and put these images side by side. Declan and Maddy (the "kissing" friend).

Okay there has been this discussion in the comments section of one of my blogs...then into Casey's: http://naptimechronical.blogspot.com/ blog. I figured I'd share more thoughts I had on my blog today.


Are kids raised in single parent homes at a disadvantage? Sometimes yes, sometimes no. Okay I would have to say usually yes, rarely no. Single moms usually do not have the same emotional and financial support and stability of most two parent families. I will say that in many situations (abuse and neglect) kids are better off in a single parent family, but they are still at a disadvantage. I read an article just last year where poverty in this country was increasing and a large part of that increase included single Moms. When parents divorce, MOST OF THE TIME, the dad's standard of living increases significantly, and the Mom's standard of living decreases significantly. That is certainly what happened in my case and to EVERY divorced mom I know.
Here is a quote from the following source:
http://www.greaterdiversity.com
"The new poverty data released recently shows no improvement in the poverty rate of people living in female-headed households, with 28.8 percent living below poverty in 2002, compared with 28.6 percent in 2001. The poverty rate for female-headed families is nearly three times as high as the poverty rate for all families. A striking 38.2 percent of families headed by African American single mothers lived in poverty in 2002, compared to 37.4 percent in 2001; 36.4 percent of people living in families headed by Hispanic single mothers lived in poverty in 2002. Even for families headed by single working mothers, the poverty rate is 21.1 percent.
Almost half of children living in female-headed households (48.6 percent) live below the poverty line."

Let's talk about what single parenthood has ment in reality for me and my son . Our support network was put into chaos, Declan and I moved from our great support network. We went from living in a 1600 square foot house to 385 square feet. I live on a shoe string budget. When I graduate and begin teaching I have two choices 1) stay here and live in an apartment 2) Move 3 hours away where I can afford a house and I'll have to work hard to re-build my support network (again).

Why do I consider apartment living an undesirable thing for my son (remember you have to consider where I live geographically). Who are the other people living in apartments? (by in large) people in the lower income brackets, many (not all) whom interact with and supervise their children less. What kind of friends would my son make living in a house in a decent neighborhood vs. living in an apartment. Do I want him playing in the backyard, or in the parking lot?

As for support networks, I can tell you that is something that changes more often for single Moms. I still feel like my married friends provide a much more stable influence and connection in our lives. Most of my single Mom friends lives are filled with stress, change, and frustration that I don't see in my married friends lives. Okay now I feel like I'm rambling. Anyway, enough for now.

Lastly - as a teacher I won't be living in poverty, but I'll barely be making a "decent" living, especially with my 35,000.00 in student loans. Meanwhile my "ex" is living in a 4 bedroom (with only 2 people and my son 6 days a month) 350,000 home with a household income of well over 100,000.00 per year. If I get to buy a house, it will be no more than 90,000 with 2 bedrooms. So, yeah that pisses me off a bit. But I also have to conceed that I'm lucky to have the opportunity to even buy a house, get an education, build a new career. Yet, it doesn't change the fact that I still have to deal with my ex telling Declan she's going to take him to Europe, and bitching about my life choices etc...

I Miss The Days

I miss the days when I didn't get frustrated, angry, annoyed, or impatient with my son. It seems that somewhere right before he turned 3 I entered this yukky stage of parenting. One day it becomes clear our children are accountable for their choices, and they can make better choices and then the power struggles begin. I can't believe kids want to be independent sooo soon.

The routine is always the same 1. He asks for somethings, I say no (and almost always explain WHY) 2. He tries to bargain and negotiate to get what he wants, if I still say no, we almost always end up at 3 (although we sometimes skip it and go straight to 4). 3. He cries and starts using his whinny voice, I definitely stick to my guns here and on to 4. 4. He becomes angry and will even sometimes push me or hit me and I send him to his rooom to work out his feelings "Go to your room and when you're done crying I have something to tell you."

I let him cry and work out his feelings, I know emotions are challenging at this age (well, at every age). I almost always talk extensively with him explaining my choices and rules. Some days are better than others, but this is the usual cycle. I sure miss my two year old who would do what I asked, when I asked and not argue. He is very honest about the situation: me - "Declan, why don't you do what I ask you to do?" Declan - "Because I want to do what I want to do." This morning after this crappy cycle over his breakfast he says "My day is starting out good because I got what I wanted for breakfast." Choose your battles, right? Sometimes easier said then done.

This is normal and healthy for him, but definitely less fun for the parent. On the up side, when we aren't arguing, he is very loving and gives me lots of hugs and spontaneously tells me he loves me. He's also very polite and considerate: last night - "Mama, this dinner is delicious. Thank You!". So I know I'm doing a lot of things right.

Its just hard not to start yelling at him when I'm at the end of my rope. I was raised by a "yeller" and occasionally I just want to scream at him "GET IN THE CAR NOW!" "FOR THE 3RD TIME, YOU CANNOT HAVE CANDY FOR BREAKFAST" "STOP WHINING!" . So, not only am I completely worn out or at the end of my rope, but I have to fight with every bit of strength I have to be the kind of parent I want to be - always loving, even with discipline.

Learning About Me In Groups of Four

Four Jobs You've Had In Your Life:
1. McDonald's Cook
2. Video Production Company Production Assistant , Coordinator, Writer, Producer...
3. Extra on the movie "Disclosure"
4. Teacher

Four Movies You'd Watch Over and Over
1. Silence of the Lambs
2. It's a Wonderful Life (no comments please)
3. My son's latest Disney movie, currently "Sky High"
4. African Queen

Four Places You Have Lived
1. Bainbridge Island, WA
2. Ellensburg, WA
3. Seattle, WA
4. Mountlake Terrace, WA

Four TV Shows You Love to Watch
1. Survivor
2. Big Brother
3. Gray's Anatomy
4. House

Four Places You've Been On Vacation
1. Disney Land
2. Hawaii
3. Disney World
4. Vancouver, B.C.

Websites You Visit Daily
1. Blogs :)
2. Drudge Report
3. Dave's Daily
4. eBay

Four of Your Favorite Foods
1. Pizza
2. Pad See Ew (sp)
3. Chicken Tika Marsala
4. Coffee - for me, this IS a food group!

Four Places You'd Rather Be Right Now
1. Hawaii W/ my son
2. Disney Land W/my son
3. In the Editing room of Survior: Exhile Island
4. At a Coffee shop sipping a caramel Machiotto with Christy

He Can Write!

Declan, who is 3.5 years, recently learned the alphabet and how to write his name. Of course like everything else, there is a story. A little over a month ago Declan was playing with his buddy Solomon (on the flying trampoline) :
I asked Solomon's Mom about his mastery of the alphabet (I had noticed he could identify several letters). She said he did infact know the alphabet. I thought "oh my goodness, I'm neglecting my child, he's already getting behind, what kind of mother am I!?" Declan has been able to identify "D"'s for a year now, but I hadn't worked with him at all on the alphabet. That night I went out and bought the Lap Frog magnets for our fridge and started a "Letter Wall" by his bed at night. I knew it would be too easy to put off working on this during the day, and I would be faced with the reality of "do it now, or skip a day" if I neglected to work on his Letter Wall at night. It worked great, I started with three letters, and I reviewed them nightly, encouraging him to trace each letter with his finger as he said it. As he learned 3 letters, I would add the next letter . My Mom helped out and purchased the Letter Factory video by Leap Frog. Declan really took off then. He LOVED the video, watching it four times in a row the very first night.

Two weeks go by, we are halfway through the alphabet on the Letter Wall, and he has probably logged 15 viewings of the Letter Factory. I'm working on a puzzle one night and Declan walks up with his little chalk board and says 'this is a letter" - he has drawn a PERFECT 'Q' - I was STUNNED. The last time I had practiced drawing with him was months ago when I was drawing circles and squares. I have never worked on letters with him. I praise him and tell him how amazed I am...but I'm ashamed to say I go back to my puzzle (vs. jumping up and writing letters with him) He comes back a few minutes later "Mom, this is the letter A ". Okay - now I'm floored. I decide it's time to show him how to write his name. I show him, he writes it 2x, then the next morning he remembers how to write it all by himself! Here we are a week later, and I haven't asked him to write in 3 days, so I ask him to write me his name this morning. You can see the great job he did above! Okay I know this was a long-winded brag session, but I am just proud of my boy. I've also learned just how much and quickly they can learn at this age. The night of the "Q incident", I immediately finished putting up the last 13 letters on his letter wall (he knew almost all of them) and thanks to Leap he can also tell me the sound of each letter. I guess we're on our way to reading! Woo-Hoo :)

I know I've blogged a lot today. I'm getting the hang of this and I'm a big talker with lots to say. I have another topic/story that has been simmering in my head for a few days, so I'm sure I'll be blogging again soon!

M

This is my best friend's daughter who is 9 months younger than Declan. Order of events : What a good friend. Is she gonna kiss me? Ohhh nooo - she just kissed me! Hey, I liked that, how about another?

This is my son this a.m. "Mama, there is still mud in my sand box, can I go wade in it?" I said he could do it later because his mud boots were in the car. "Mama, can I wear these mud boots?" (he found an extra pair under the stairs) Okay but take off your pants because they're just going to get wet. "But Mama, I don't want strangers to see me in my underwear! Look, my pants can tuck into my boots." Outside he went. He then runs back inside "I need a hat. A nice warm fuzzy hat." I hand him the Santa hat because I still haven't put away my decorations. "Oooooo" (big smile from Declan).

Interesting note: the big blue mess in the background is what is left of his birthday present last year - a TWELVE foot trampoline. A couple of weeks ago we had a big wind storm and the wind picked up the trampoline (remember a TWELVE foot trampoline WITH a safety enclosure) over his little 3 foot fence and blew it across the road through our neighbors fence and it landed on its side half way up his barn. It was the craziest thing I've ever seen. We had to disassemble it to get it back home, I think/hope it will be salvageable for this spring. I'm sure the safety enclosure will have to be replaced at the very least.

I'm feeling much better, and so far my son seems just fine (and the house still smells like bleach).

Mist

Stomach Flu!

I've spent the day recovering from the worst flu I've had in my life. It was short, but definitely the worst, most intense flu I've had. I've also spent much of the day cleaning my house in hopes that my son won't get it. I've watched our neighbors son for the last two days and it went through their household pretty quickly. Yuk.

Atomic Alarm Clock.

This is a cool new clock I've purchased that sets itself via a satellite or something everyday. The coolest part is that it projects the time on your ceiling or wall and it tells the temperature. My son also loves to play with the thing. Best eBay purchase in along time.

M

Wireless!

Wireless internet just rocks. I'm currently sitting in class surfing the net: selling things on craigslist, checking my email and blogging. My school, City University, just installed wireless for us students. It a little strange as they have two computer labs on campus and it really seems like it wouldn't be a good idea to have students surfing the web during class... humm. I get pretty bored in class and I spent most of the summer writing my papers in class. My laptop was the best investment I made when I started school. The classmates who knew what I was doing were jealous. The teachers just assume I'm taking notes :).

About me; I am 37 year old who suddenly found herself a single mother when my partner of 10 years had a three day affair and walked out 7 days before Christmas two years ago (Merry Christmas to me). I had been a stay at home Mom to our then 18 month old son. My main concern was the dramatic changes this would mean to his life, the sudden disappearance of someone who was a very involved and loving parent ( 1 or 2 days a week just isn't the same to a little boy who ran to greet his other Mom at the door each day at 4pm) new house, new town, and the possibility of loosing the other Mom (me) 50 hours a week to a full-time job, while suddenly being put into daycare. Way too much sudden change. My parents came to the rescue an offered us a place to live (free mother-in-law apartment) while I went back to school part-time and continued to remain the primary daily caregiver for my son. The split was UGLY, it was legally, financially, logistically, and of course emotionally a nightmare. Its amazing that someone you thought you knew so well, could surprise you with such crappy behavior and choices. Like I said 10 years, we owned a house together and had a child together. I had to fight her in court to even move with our son to be near my family (only 3 hours away).

Her version is something like--- she wasn't happy for years (at one point she claimed to have been miserable for 10 years), and apparently met someone who could make her happy (the night she left she immediately moved in with this new woman). I was completely caught off guard, I didn't get that she was unhappy. Well, all the parents I knew were in the same boat. Once you have kids...well those first few years are all about the baby, and just trying to catch up on sleep, sleep, sleep. Anyway my opinion is that once you have kids you don't really have the luxury of walking out of a relationship anymore, you're walking out on the "family" forever altering the future of your child/ren. Now that may be good OR it may be bad for the kids, but that is the reality.

My son is now being raised by a single Mom...that immediately puts him at risk for academic and emotional challenges - he is forever at a disadvantage to most kids with intact families. This is not the life I wanted for my son.

On the bright side, we are very fortunate. My family and friends have really supported us emotionally and financially. I changed course and decided to begin a career that would allow me the most time to be available for my son. I'm finishing up my Masters in Teaching and I will hopefully have a full time job in the fall of 2006. What better career for a Mom? Especially a single Mom.

As for my ex.. she did a crappy thing and forever altered my life and my son's life, but she is a pretty good "ex" when it comes to co-parenting. She treats him well, and seems to really love him. She is positive and consistent with her interactions. I've met a lot of single Mom's in the past two years and I feel very fortunate that I'm sending my son to a responsible, kind person everyother weekend. I'm really glad my son has a good relationship with my "ex" it would break my heart to send him somewhere he didn't want to go everyother week. (well, sometimes he doesn't want to go, but it's rare and he doesn't get upset and cry).

Wow, I think that is a fairly detailed history of things...too much free time here in class :)

I'm just grateful for all I have!

M

DVD's. Man have I gone crazy. I purchased a DVD player for my son's room and I've discovered that you can purchase DVD's at pawn shops for 4.00!!! Needless to say I've become a little obsessed with finding good deals. Today I found the Lion King and Nemo for 4.00 each. FOUR DOLLARS!! Oh yeah I also bought Snow White - 4.00! (And some others). I have also discovered old T.V. series on DVD...so what is coming in the mail? H.R. Pufnstuf and The Best of Sid and Marty Krofft's Saturday Morning and Season one of The Greatest American Hero. Boy I really feel like an addict.

Other than that, life is good. This is my last week off before I begin my last quarter of grad school. Wow time flies! I'm actually looking forward to getting back to the grind. I've found my son to be challenging lately - three is definitely a tough age!

G'Night.